


Vanillaberry Tea

by LunarTea



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ecto-Penis, Ecto-Vagina, Fingering, Hangover, M/M, Vomiting, alcohol use, coffee shop AU, cross-universe shenanigans, kustard - Freeform, rottenberry, sancest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-12-20 11:05:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11919588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarTea/pseuds/LunarTea
Summary: What do you get when you blend together mustard, ketchup, raspberries, and blueberries?A mess.





	1. A Fine Mess

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the first fic I plan on writing long-term! I had a lot of fantastic ideas for it thanks to CrushingOnSans (who has some fantastic works of their own!). It will be NSFW at some point in the story, so expect the rating to get bumped up to explicit when that chapter comes around. 
> 
> If you're a minor below the age of 18, as always, please respect the ratings and click away.
> 
> Comments are welcome!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, it was news to me!"
> 
> [POV: UT!Sans.]

The last year and a half since the Barrier had shattered had been, to quote the coolest skeleton aboveground, “such a doozy.” Having not seen the sun in a couple hundred years, it was quite the experience to see the look of amazement and fear in so many eyes. Civilization was slowly regrouped and settled amongst the humans, treaties and nonviolence pacts were formed, cultures and establishments were integrated. Schools and colleges were even formed for the sole purpose of teaching both humans and monsters. Of course, racism reared its ugly head on occasion, but nothing escalated too high that couldn’t be quelled. It was quite the golden age for human science and medicine.

 

After the excitement of all of the new integrations died down, of course monsters had to find jobs to work and roofs over their heads. (Of course, a few cracks were made about having had a roof over their head for hundreds of years anyway.) Monsters had their own proficiencies in just about everything, which proved handy for the workforce. Grillby and Muffet naturally pursued foodservice, opening their own shops that were nothing short of spectacular. Mettaton wasted no time rushing off to try stealing the limelight on more television stations that knew nothing about him, the horror! Undyne and Papyrus strove to join the police force. Alphys, despite her insecurities and anxieties, got her foot in the door for scientific research. Toriel and Asgore assisted with the schools as well as organization for leadership over the monsters. And Sans…

 

Sans did what Sans did best. Which was a whole lot of nothing. He made himself as scarce as possible around the house, having moved with Papyrus when Snowdin was cleared out. Of course, Papyrus would nag him to get up and get a job, make something of himself, enjoy the sunshine and fresh air!

 

The only reply Sans could muster was a half-hearted “ok” and he’d shuffle off before the conversation could continue. Of course Papyrus noticed this weird behavior, but it wasn’t in him to push the topic, especially if it were a sore subject for his brother. So he went about his way, casting the occasional worried glance Sans’s way and leaving it at that. He’d find his calling in his own time.

 

Sans was still pretty pissed at the kid. Of course, they were living it up as the ambassador of all monsterkind, staying with Toriel and Asgore and having everything given to them on a silver platter. In Frisk’s defense, they were only, what, ten? Ten year olds weren’t exactly encouraged to get a job at that age. No, it was their freedom that he was miffed about. He could still remember the day perfectly, the memory echoing in his mind every time he closed his eyes for sleep.

 

_Frisk smiled to the gleeful monsters, but Sans kept careful watch on them. Every timeline they started and stopped, his trust diminished. He himself wasn’t too excited about this turn of events, it could get ripped from him the second he begins to enjoy it. After some of the runs he’d had to endure, he wouldn’t be surprised if that was the plan from the get-go. He’d tried getting them alone, but coincidentally something always popped up to either take them away or distract them._

 

_Sans just gave up and waited for the inevitable Reset._

 

But of course, a month had passed and nothing happened. One month turned into three, to six, to a full year. He couldn’t believe it, but he still kept up his nihilistic attitude. Nothing he did mattered. Let Papyrus and his friends be happy, he’d keep the burden of timeline knowledge to his grave.

 

* * *

 

 

“SANS! THE NEWS! LOOK AT THE NEWS!!”

“mmmh, comin’ bro.” Sans rubbed his sockets and rolled from the couch, shambling to the kitchen where the smells of breakfast emanated. He took a glance at the television.

 

**TWINS OR MONSTERS LEFT BEHIND? CLONES OF MONSTERS FOUND LEAVING MOUNT EBBOTT.**

 

A news reporter was jabbering on about the headline, pointing at the graphic behind him from time to time. He didn’t see to know many details, other than speculations that long-lost relatives had finally found the broken Barrier and just came on out of their own accord. Sans rolled his eyes and turned away.

 

“DID WE HAVE RELATIVES YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT, SANS???” Papyrus demanded, stepping in front of the smaller skeleton. Sans averted his gaze, shifting uneasily on his heels.

“would i keep somethin’ like that from you, paps? ‘course we don’t have relatives.”

 

“BUT THIS ONE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU ONLY COOLER!” Papyrus jabbed at the screen with his finger.

 

Sans followed Papyrus’s point. A skeleton with an uncomfortably close resemblance to him was on the screen in a close-up, pulling an orange hoodie sleeve eagerly. The skeleton was full of energy, a skip in his step making the sky blue bandana flutter in the breeze of the mountain. Its gloves matched in color, a royal family crest on its padded shirt (armor?). Sans’s soul sank. He felt sick as he considered the possibilities.

 

“…i gotta call the kid.”

 

* * *

 

 

“i don’t understand.”

 

“I’m sorry, Sans.” Frisk’s voice wavered, tears probably on their way down their face. “I panicked.”

 

“so you _Reset_ when everyone was finally gonna be free? At the _worst_ possible moment?”

 

“Flowey made me! Please, Sans!” Their voice neared a wail, no doubt Toriel would listen in out of concern.

 

“…tell tori i’m comin’ over. we got a lot of catchin’ up to do.”

 

Sans wasted no time asking Papyrus for a ride, and before he knew it they were knocking on the door to the estate the former king and queen shared. Asgore opened the door, his hulking figure less menacing now that he’d shed the official trident and robes look for a more shorts and vacation shirt getup.

“Howdy Sans, Papyrus! What brings you two here? Can I interest you in some tea?”

 

Sans hesitated for just a moment before he answered.

 

“OOOHHH DO YOU HAVE THAT NEW FLAVOR WITH THE LOVE FRUIT AND WHATEVER THAT BEAN WAS??” Papyrus piped up, bouncing in place.

 

Asgore chuckled. “Vanilla passionfruit, Papyrus. And of course! Come on in, make yourselves at home and I’ll get to making some for you. Toriel and I were about ready for dinner, if you would like you may join us?” He offered.

 

“of course. thanks mr. dreemurr.”

 

“Oh please, call me Asgore. I will tell Toriel you are here.” With that, he disappeared into the kitchen. Papyrus turned to his brother.

 

“SO IF YOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING…ER…WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU HOPING TO TALK TO OUR FAVORITE HUMAN ABOUT?”

 

Sans stuffed his hands in his jacket. He hadn’t changed clothes since they’d gotten to the surface, and it had seen better days. “oh, not much. just catchin’ up and all since we haven’t really talked since we left the Underground, you know?” Papyrus nodded in concerned agreement. No doubt he thought they talked more, given how much they hung around each other before the Barrier disappeared.

 

After Asgore had returned with their tea, Sans made his way to Frisk’s room. The door was closed, so he rapped his knuckles on the frame.

 

“kiddo?”

 

No response.

 

“friskafrack? friskies? friskerious fartmast—“

 

The knob turned and the door creaked open just a bit, the child’s face peeking through the crack. They watched him for a heartbeat before pulling open the door for him. He treaded lightly and sat on the edge of their bed, noting the disaster around him. Clothes were strewn haphazardly on the floor, books and papers stacked on the computer chair and in the corner while the bookshelf itself contained nothing but dust and trinkets from their time Underground.

 

When they closed the door and stood there, Sans swirled his tea uncomfortably and took a sip. Asgore had sweetened the drink a bit, but the taste was enjoyable. The liquid slipped down his throat and helped calm his thoughts for the subject at hand.

“so, uhh.” He rubbed behind his skull. Smooth.

 

Frisk turned toward him, but hung their head. They wouldn’t meet his gaze.

 

“I Reset while we were on our way out of the mountain.” Frisk spoke, voice quivering with unshed tears.

 

“well yeah, i know that but—“

 

“But it didn’t work. Flowey…he said…” They dissolved into a sobbing mess and shrank away just a bit, tears dribbling down their face.

 

“what did he say?” Sans murmured, motioning for them to come closer. They obliged and he set his mug down, opening his arms. They climbed into his lap and flung their arms around him, hiccoughing into his shoulder the moment their face met his jacket. He let them cry it out, not bothering to say a word but settling for stroking the back of their head with his hand and occasionally a comforting squeeze around their waist. It must have been frustrating, having gone through all of that without anyone to really talk to besides that demon plant. Not that he’d be any help with his mouth… And Toriel wouldn’t understand the concept of a Reset, let alone a Save or a Reload.

 

They stayed silent, shifting uncomfortably. Sans nudged them gently, urging them to speak.

 

“He said…” Their eyes shifted back and forth, brow furrowing. “I…I can’t remember. But it was something really bad, and they hurt me. And the next thing I remember, he was sitting in the throne room pushing me to leave with mom and dad, he said to forget about him. But my soul still hurts sometimes when I think about Resetting.”

 

“hey, kid?” Frisk gave a feeble squeak in acknowledgement. “can you Reload anymore?”

 

They shook their head. Sans tried to quell the worried feeling in his chest. “can you Save?”

 

Another head shake. He didn’t like where this conversation was ending.

 

“can you—“ Frisk raised their head from his clavicle and looked him in the eye lights.

 

“I haven’t bothered trying to Reset. I don’t really want to change anything now…and I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. I don’t feel it anymore.” They gave a defiant sniff. Sans pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to them so they could blow their nose.

 

“it’s alright. i’m proud of you, kiddo. think you can do your dunkle a favor?”

 

“Um…I can try.”

 

“can you tell me if that changes? gotta be prepared.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I can.” Their voice gained a little strength. “But you have to call me sometimes okay? I still haven’t seen your apartment since we moved to the Surface!”

 

A quiet chuckle passed through his teeth. “sure thing, kid. though i’m pretty sure if you remember what my old room looked like before, the new one’ll look real familiar.”

 

Frisk groaned, sliding off his lap and swiping his tea from the floor for a sip. “Still as lazy as always!” They stuck their tongue out at him.

 

Sans just grinned. “i like to call it a unique way of organization. c’mon, i think tori’s probably close to having dinner ready. i’ll race ya, winner gets the first piece of pie.”

 

By the time Frisk had stepped foot out the door complaining of the unfairness, Sans had already shortcutted to the dining room.


	2. Smooth Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans goes to relieve his stress with a drink or three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments inspire me and drive me to keep going!!! I love hearing the things people have to say about my stuff ;w;
> 
> [POV: FS!Sans.]

“MUTT!” Sans’s voice boomed down the hallway. He folded his arms, tapping his foot impatiently at the top of the stairs. Papyrus sauntered into view, a new lollipop between his teeth.

 

“yes, m’lord?” Papyrus purred, leaning against the door frame. As relaxed as he looked right now, it was almost certain that he was higher than a kite. It surprised Sans sometimes that he was still able to figure out where he was or respond coherently, but then again, he probably had a lot of practice.

 

“WE’RE GOING OUT TONIGHT.” He stated, putting his hands on his hips, starting his slow descent down the stairs.

 

“where are we going? it’s quite late, m’lord.” A quick glance at the time on his phone told Sans that it was later than he’d thought; the numbers flashed “11:14 PM.”

 

“WHERE _ELSE_ WOULD WE GO THIS LATE AT NIGHT AFTER A STRESSFUL DAY?” Sans spat the sarcasm-laced words out. Papyrus simply nodded in agreement. crunching his lollipop and swallowing it down.

 

“shall i ready the car?”

 

“AFTER YOU CHANGE CLOTHES…YOU’RE NOT GOING TO ANY SORT OF PUBLIC ESTABLISHMENT IN THOSE DINGY RAGS.” Sans huffed, turning away from his brother. He could feel the taller skeleton’s eyes on his body, probably because of the outfit he’d bought on the sly specifically meant for these outings. The material he wore hugged his bones and left almost nothing to the imagination, a violet crop top that bled down to a sheer magenta netting paired with tight black leather pants. With black fingerless gloves and boots to match, it was almost impossible not to stare at the getup. He shifted the skull belt around on his pants, a faint purple flush coming over his face as self-consciousness reared its ugly head.

 

“WELL??? GET A MOVE ON AND STOP STARING AT MY IMPOSSIBLY GOOD LOOKING OUTFIT!!” He grumbled and hustled off to find his coat and scarf. He heard movement behind him, footsteps tromping up the stairs.

 

Tonight was going to be a night to remember, he’d make it so. Not that he intended to remember it, anyway.

 

These Surface-dwellers would never know what hit them.

 

* * *

 

 

A few of Grillby’s strongest drinks later, Sans was absolutely plastered. His body swayed to the beat of the club’s music, phalanges dancing provocatively over his bones. There was no telling where Papyrus had gone, he’d vanished since Sans’s first drink had reached his hand. No worries, though. He had more pressing things on his mindat the moment.

 

Not too far away from him was a skeleton about his stature, bouncing to the beat with enough vigor and energy to make Sans pick up the pace of his own dancing. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. Something about the way he moved, the bright cyan painting his cheeks, even his choice of outfit…it called to him. He had to get close to this skeleton. Or fuck him, whichever came first. His magic vibrated in response to such a lewd thought, though he made no effort to squash it down.

 

He tried his best to weave through the midst of the writhing bodies on the dance floor, accidentally getting swept up in the crowd and bounced around as the songs blurred together. The alcohol running through his body did nothing to help his stumbling whenever there was a lull in his footsteps, and on more than one occasion he found himself accidentally grinding on another clubber. Nobody seemed to mind, but every touch that landed on his frame was more than enough to bring out a fresh gleam of violet on his skull. After a while, Sans was convinced that he’d lost the mysterious skeleton, and though his soul sank at the thought of never getting to speak to them, it was a passing care as a song came on over the speakers that really swept through his soul. The bass thrummed through every inch of his body, the tune of the song altering the colors that shone from the glowing tiles on the dance floor. The skeleton was the last thing on his mind, this song was his favorite, he could feel himself losing any cares he had—

 

A clubber crashed into him, both bodies thrown to the floor. Sans grumbled and pushed at the person, trying and failing miserably to sit himself up. Perhaps he was more inebriated than he thought he was. “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE—“

 

And then he caught his assaulter’s gaze. Their eye lights were hazy, gleaming with passion and energy. A baby blue glove was pressed lightly over his own, and he blinked. Where the hell had he seen blue gloves before…?

 

“I’M SO SORRY, I WASN’T WATCHING WHERE I WAS GOING. GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT, MWEH…HAH…ARE YOU OKAY?”

 

They stood and pulled him to his feet. Sans swayed slightly, mouth refusing to work. His brain tried to turn a gear as his face heated up. The skeleton just stared at them, waiting for a response. The other club-goers seemed completely oblivious to the two skeletons standing at the edge of the crowd, which was probably for the better considering Sans looked like a Gyftrot in sudden bright lights.

 

“ER…SIR?” The skeleton tried again with a bit of a slur, waving their hand in front of his face. Without a second thought (or a thought at all), Sans reached out and took the hand in both of his, cupping it delicately between his palms. “UM…?”

 

“YOU ARE…MARVELOUS.” Sans breathed, looking him up and down and taking in the skeleton’s appearance. Their face bloomed with a stronger cyan in response, the edges of stars hinting in his eyes. “I DON’T MEAN TO BE SO FORWARD…BUT… I’M HERE TO RELAX, AND—“

 

“DANCE WITH ME, THEN.” The skeleton interrupted, the breathy voice sending chills down Sans’s spine. It was so needy and laced with desire, a heat wove its way through his bones. How could he say no? He let the skeleton half-drag him back to the midst of sweaty bodies reeking of booze and bad choices, the next song thrumming through the speakers.

 

It didn’t take long for Sans to lose himself to the music. The inebriation encouraged him to dance with the skeleton as a partner, hands intertwined and bodies pressed together. Their dancing evolved to nothing short of shameless grinding, Sans’s arms wrapped around the other in constant motion as his hands wandered all around the bones beneath them. He could feel the stranger’s soul pulsing next to him, a warm and welcoming presence that drove him to stay that much closer to the writhing body against him. Heat rushed through his bones, the close contact mixed with alcohol doing nothing to help him quell the urges flourishing in his instincts.

 

He went out on a limb to step away, not quite ceasing his movements to the sounds around him but just enough to observe the stranger. Their steps hiccuped, confusion flashing across his face as they stepped closer to him in response. Sans glanced behind him and took another step, curling his hand as a motion to ask the stranger to follow. He obliged with a quick step forward and two gloved hands coming to meet the sides of his skull, Sans feeling his back bump against the wall.

 

The stranger’s mouth connected with his, a kiss suggesting innocence was out the window as their pelvis ground against his. His hands scrambled to grasp the front of the other skeleton’s shirt, pulling them closer with the fabric curled into his tight fists. Was it hot in here, or was it just them? His mind scrambled as the other’s tongue pushed its way inside his mouth, his own tongue conjuring in response to return the favor. He’d never really bothered with a one night stand before, but every swipe of the tongue, every grind of their hips rutting against his, it was quickly becoming impossible to resist the urge to take him. Before he could contain himself, the heated magic swirling around his frame pooling at his pelvis and solidifying into a cock throbbing with need. The other skeleton seemed to notice the change, a sly knowing grin curling up on his skull as Sans avoided eye contact. How embarrassing, to have so little control over his magic that some simple grinding could summon his sex without his willing so! Maybe he had time to get away before the mockery started and—

 

The back of his skull thumped against the wall as the stranger’s palm stroked his length straining against the tight fabric of his pants. His jaw lolled open and he moaned breathily, eyes fluttering at the stimulation. The stranger kissed him again, dominating his mouth with practiced fervor. Sans bucked into the other skeleton’s hand, reveling at every press that graced his cock. It was marvelous, his hands gripping the shirt in front of him and pulling it closer, as close as he could manage without damaging the fabric. He wanted more; no, he _needed_ more. Through the haze of alcohol and lust, his thoughts went on a tangent. He was so used to using any means necessary to get what he required, but this kind of situation was new to him. Gratification was just being handed to him with no work needed. It was new, it was…nice.

 

He had to do something to thank them for being so cooperative.

 

His fingertips danced at the other’s hipbones, a shudder running through their body at the contact. Sans couldn’t fight the soft grin curling up at his mouth. His phalanges wasted no time diving beneath their waistband, running along the bottom of their pelvis and barely grazing the edges of their summoned folds. They were already so slick for him, he dragged a fingertip along the center and rubbed a small circle around the nub.

 

“HAH…Y-YOU, PLEASE…” Their tongue flopped out of their mouth, a cute cyan color dripping with a few beads of shimmering saliva. “DON’T TEMMMM…” Their words devolved to a positively sinful moan, skull resting on Sans’s shoulders as a single digit sank into their entrance. It was already so welcomingly warm, and _drenched._ He swirled his finger to hear the other whimper, their pelvis pressing closer in a desperate attempt to pull him deeper. When he withdrew his digit, however, he waited just a moment to see the confusion on their face before plunging two fingers in roughly and slipping them around roughly. The other skeleton melted into a mess of whines and starved incoherent begging, their hands clinging to his back and pulling him closer to them. Stars, Sans wanted to take them right here, crowd be damned. The heat smoldering in his own waist was driving him crazy, he had to do something to alleviate the heat, and this stranger he was now three fingers deep inside was making enough sounds to make him want to start fucking them on the floor of the packed club right here and now.

 

He could just barely sense a vibration in his pants pocket. His vibrator?…No, he didn’t own a vibrator. The alcohol wasn’t helping his clarity. He ignored the strange sense and continued to ram his fingers into the slick entrance all the way to his knuckles. So this one liked it rough…he could get used to this.

 

“TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.” He groaned into the other’s skull, petting their walls gently with his fingers inside them still. He was all but supporting the other monster by this point, their legs trembling from the stimulation he’d given them. They took a moment to respond. They opened their mouth and gazed into his eyes, eye lights glowing in a heart shape.

 

“m’lord, it’s getting late.” Papyrus’s voice startled him from the trance he was in. He glanced behind the skeleton’s body and sure enough, his brother was standing there as if he only saw his brother. Sans’s face flushed an even deeper violet as he realized he was finger fucking a stranger in front of his own brother. Not that there was a problem with voyeurism in their house, but…

 

“…I AM AWARE.” Sans mumbled, avoiding eye contact at all costs. The stranger shifted uncomfortably, Sans’s movements within them having ceased as Papyrus spoke.

 

His brother chuckled. “hi aware, i’m—“

 

“DO NOT.” Sans grumped. Papyrus ignored him and stepped closer, nudging the other skeleton out of the way to gather Sans up in his arms and resting him over his torso, his hands and legs around him with his head on Papyrus’s shoulder. Something about the position was familiar, cozy…even though he was so very raring to go take the other skeleton, the warm pulses from his brother’s soul soothed him at once and feeling of sleepiness washed over him. Papyrus patted his back.

 

“it is nice to meet you, but we must be going.”

 

Sans’s vision drained away to a comfortable black as rest came to take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I'm still shaky on writing NSFW lmao
> 
> Wanna talk? https://sinnaminttrash.tumblr.com/
> 
> (18+ only please. :3 )


	3. Funny Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The punny skeleton is forced out of his natural habitat.
> 
> [POV: UT!Sans.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I apologize for the long wait between updates. Life has been hectic, and transfers of ownerships of accounts and fanfictions and ideas has been quite tasking. However, I hope this chapter will tide you over until I am able to write the next one! (Hopefully quicker than this one was written.)

Sans shuffled out onto the patio, bending over to scoop up the rolled up newspaper off the ground. He straightened back up and took a moment to just breathe in the air of the Surface as he’d done many times before. He still couldn’t get the idea wrapped around his head that this was real, that it wasn’t just going to be ripped away the moment he got comfortable. The date on the newspaper caught his eye and he inspected it quickly, breathing a sigh of relief and returning to the comfort of his home with the paper in hand.

 

A year and a half living aboveground and he was still hoarding calendar pages in his room, marking the days that had passed without a Reset. Papyrus still had no idea of there concept of Resets, and Sans preferred to keep it that way. It made things simpler, to no longer have to skirt around his brother whenever he asked why he wouldn’t get out of bed, why he wouldn’t leave the house…why he was so damn nihilistic.

 

“SANS, DO ME A FAVOR AND TURN TO THE CLASSIFIEDS SECTION, WOULD YOU?” Papyrus was very intent on folding a basket of laundry in the living room, not even glancing up at Sans.

 

“sure thing, bro.” He unrolled it and opened it up, paging halfway through the paper. “what am i looking for?”

 

“DOES ANYTHING APPEAL TO YOU IN THE HELP WANTED SECTION?” Papyrus shifted uncomfortably and stared at the shirt in his hand, not quite able to fold it correctly and redoing the folds over and over. Sans paused and blinked at his brother.

 

“you, uh, droppin’ a hint there paps?”

 

He sighed and set the shirt back in the basket, head tilting down to his lap. “I’M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN, BROTHER…BUT BEING COOPED UP INSIDE LIKE THIS EVERY DAY ISN’T HEALTHY. IT’S WORRISOME. THE QUEEN’S CALLED AND ASKED ABOUT YOU A FEW TIMES, YOU KNOW. SHE SAYS IT’S HEALTHY TO—“

 

Sans held up his hands to silence him. “alright…i get it Paps. thanks.” Sans dropped the paper on the table and dejectedly sidled off to his room, closing the door and locking it with a quiet click. He flopped onto his bed, the cheery morning sunlight filtering in through his window as his back sank into the mattress. It wasn’t like he wanted to be difficult! He was fully aware that he was a lazy waste of space, thank you very much. But why the hell should he get invested in a world where everything is temporary? Nobody would remember this timeline. He’d just be the same old Sans with the same old script in the same old Snowdin.

 

If—no, when, he reminded himself—a Reset happened, would those monsters that came from Mount Ebott be sent back to their…wherever they came from? He didn’t think they were from his own Underground; no, he’d never seen them in all his years trapped in that lightless hell. Maybe they’d vanish. Maybe they’d appear all over the Underground and completely disrupt the usual script. It’d be nice to have something to break the monotony of everything.

 

There was a soft knock at the door. He briefly considered feigning sleep and ignoring it, but in the end it was almost impossible to ignore Papyrus. He’d probably have the door removed if he stayed in his room for a few days without leaving again. Sans pushed himself from the bed and trudged over, turning over the lock and pulling the door open a crack. “yeah Paps?”

 

Papyrus was visibly upset, refusing to meet his gaze. A page from the newspaper appeared in front of his face, a thick circle drawn around a paragraph in the classifieds. Sans gave him the benefit of the doubt and skimmed the article.

 

“a comedy night at Muffet’s?”

 

“IT…I KNEW IT WAS IN TODAY’S PAPER SO I WANTED YOU TO SEE IT ON YOUR…OWN…” Papyrus trailed off, lowering the paper and turning to leave. “I DID NOT MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOU, I WILL LEAVE.”

 

“naw bro.” Sans grabbed the sleeve of Papyrus’s shirt to hold him back. “actually…it sounds real cool. i’ll think about goin’.” His brother’s face brightened. “and, uh…” Sans studied his feet, the socks having more holes than he’d like from wearing them at all times. “do you, uh, wanna get something to eat? i’m all—“

“SURE, WE CAN GO EAT!” Papyrus announced more forcefully, his voice cracking as he tactfully drowned out Sans’s pun.

 

Sans grinned. “i’ll even skip Grillby’s for ya.”

 

“THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!”

 

* * *

 

 

Oh stars, why did he agree to this? He didn’t mind crowds…in Snowdin. With a bigger population, the room was packed. He was trying his hardest not to sweat in the new outfit he’d been dressed up in courtesy of an overenthusiastic Papyrus. Not that he minded wearing things other than the same outfit day in and day out…he just wasn’t used to having a crisp suit and a bowtie on him. The lack of wrinkles was very unnerving. When was the last time he even told a joke outside of a crummy pun to frustrate Papyrus? Oh no, he was tensing up. A bead of sweat dribbled down his skull. He wasn’t sure if he could do this. He shifted his weight back and forth, the idea of bailing raising more sirens in the back of his head as the time grew closer for him to go on stage.

 

He took another swig of his drink, the alcohol burning pleasantly through his system. No wonder they called this liquid courage. Time seemed to be flying by way too fast. The comedian on stage was getting more chuckles than actual laughs, which didn’t help his nerves any. Must be a tough crowd. Sans gulped and tugged at his bowtie, room suddenly warmer than he remembered it. Nobody looked amused. Was it hot in here? He glanced around for someone— _anyone_ —that would be a friendly face in the crowd he could focus on so he didn’t lose it completely and make an ass of himself. He had a reputation to uphold. He was one of the best comedians in Snowdin, for crying out loud! Why was he freezing up at a few extra people?

 

A glint caught his eye and he made the mistake of looking over to the source. One of the monsters he’d seen on TV swirled around their beverage in a wine glass and winked at him, flashing him a toothy grin. Their teeth were filed to points, with a gleaming gold tooth standing out from the rest. They had a suit on too, a muted red dappled with black. Instead of a bowtie, they just had a little pin of a skull fastened to their…collar? Who the hell wears collars in public?

 

He was staring enough. He turned his attention back to the front of the stage, where apparently the last act had ended. Quiet murmurs ripped through the room, Sans could feel eyes on his back. Oh stars, what if they were waiting for him to go on? He turned to ask the table next to him who was called, maybe they’d know—

 

“shout out to my bro for puttin’ up with a bonehead like me. ‘course, we’re both boneheads so i can’t blame him for wantin’ me to go out tonight and funny up someone else.” The edgy imposter took a swig of water while a few members of the audience made amused noises. Sans couldn’t stop staring at him. Wasn’t he just looking at him behind his table…? “speakin’ of my bro, he thinks it’s disgusting that i drink condiments right outta the bottle. you should see some of the tirades he goes on when he finds the bottles in my room. ‘WHY SHOULD I BE PICKING UP BOTTLES OF CONDIMENTS?! AT LEAST CONSUME A REAL BEVERAGE!’ he’ll sit there and stomp his foot at me. can’t say i blame the guy, if i found out he was drinkin’ ketchup or some shit, i’d think he’s nuts too!”

 

The skeleton did well to loosen Sans’s nerves by the time his act was finished, although the resemblance to him was unsettlingly close. Both they and their brothers had the same name, same habits, same quirks…he’d read up on the multiverse theory, but to see a figment of it coming to life in reality, it was a treat in itself. He made a mental note to look more into it as he was beckoned to the stage for his own show. He was feeling much more confident and actually pulled it off knowing that a weird copy of him could do the same thing.

 

As the night wore on and his nervousness was long gone, he’d settled into a seat at the bar and had a few drinks. His performance was the last thing on his mind, the alcohol soothing draining away the tension from his bones. A few passerby had remarked that they actually liked his sketches, that they’d like to see him next week. It did well to boost his ego. Maybe leave the house more than once a year was actually worth it, heh.

 

“come here often? i don’t think i’ve seen your pretty face before.”

 

The voice next to him was gruffer than he remembered. He dared to steal a glance. The gold-toothed imposter stared him down, an almost threatening glint in his eye. Sans wasn’t sure he liked that look at all.

 

“c’mon pal, let’s go out. i know you’re not trashed yet and it’s barely past midnight. you know what that means.” The stranger growled suggestively.

 

“uhh…i hope it means breakfast food.”

 

The predatory grin widened.

 

“24 hour cafe with all you can eat pancakes. if you’re anythin’ like me, you’ll love it.”


	4. Mistakes Were Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans learns an important lesson about alcohol.
> 
> [POV: FS!Sans.]

A harsh throbbing in his skull roused Sans from his slumber. He groaned internally and rolled over, pulling whatever pillow over his head. Dammit, he had a feeling he shouldn’t have stayed out so late last night…He tried to clear excess remnants of last night from his throat, and what a mistake that was when the entirety of his neck and chest burned and grated with every particle of air that moved within him.

 

Movement a few feet away from him caught his attention. He was too miserable to give two shits what it was, though. His eyes squeezed shut, willing sleep to come back and take him.

 

“m’lord, i brought you some water and pain relievers.” Papyrus’s voice rumbled softly, a pleasant purr that dodged the bullet of incurring his wrath when his migraine didn’t flare at the sound. Sans did his best to keep his eyes closed and rolled onto his back, reaching a hand out and feeling his brother grasp him and gently pull him to a sitting up position. A glass touched his teeth and he took a few sips from it, the water dribbling down into his core with much needed relief.

 

“THANK YOU, BROTHER.” Sans murmured. He appreciated Papyrus’s brotherly instincts, especially when it came to hangovers so bad it felt like his skull was being crushed with a sledgehammer with each pulse of his soul. If he bothered to crack open his eyes, maybe he could get a look at his brother and see if he was fighting the same battle of last night’s bad choices. Probably not, what with all his “high alcohol tolerance” and his “tendency to be the designated driver.” Sans scoffed internally. What a responsible adult.

 

Yeah…responsible…

 

Pieces of last night started to break through the fog over his memory. Small flashes of the prettiest shade of blue, writhing colors and a familiar but foreign touch. Papyrus tapped a small pill against his teeth, and against his better judgement, he opened his mouth for it. His stomach lurched, eyes flying open as he scrambled from the bed and hurled himself to the floor, squinting around for the doorway. A sliver of light greeted his burning eyes, and he struggled toward the light. It must be the doorway, it had to be! He wasn’t going to last much longer, his innards burbled with anger and he swallowed hard to fight off the creeping sensation of acid crawling up his throat. Stars, it burned. What the hell was in him to hurt this bad fighting him on the way up? He groaned and managed to pull himself forward.

 

In a quick moment, he was in his brother’s arms, the taller skeleton swiftly carrying him down the hallway to the bathroom. Sans fought to keep his vision steady, the screaming lights already making his head throb and swim. His knees met the cold ceramic tile, and arms wrapped around his torso as he spit up flame.

 

It wouldn’t end. Violet tears streamed down his face, he wanted it to stop. He choked for air, excess magic fizzing and popping in his throat like aggressive pop rock candy. Calm purring(?) rumbled at his back, the arms curled around him stroking his sternum comfortingly. By this point, his brother’s arms were all that were holding his body up for this unfortunate turn of events. The agonizing stream of molten magic slowed, his body gave another feeble heave and it appeared he was spent for the time being. He slouched listlessly, eyes falling shut.

 

By the time he came to, he was carefully tucked back in bed again. Two pills and a glass of water sat on his nightstand, a hushed trickle of light streaming in through his window. His internal clock insisted it was around noon at latest. The skeleton shifted to sit up, but a long arm gently pressed him back down.

 

“you will not be needed at work today.” Papyrus rubbed his sternum reassuringly.

 

“PAPYRUS.” Sans murmured, letting himself sink back into the pillows beneath him. At least this time he wasn’t ready to expel his insides… “WHAT…HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? HOW MUCH DID I DRINK?”

 

Papyrus seemed to chuckle under his breath. “you don’t remember anything, m’lord?”

 

“ONLY PIECES. IT’S JUST A BLUR TO ME.” Sans frowned. It wasn’t like him to have a muddled memory.

 

“well, you do recall that you had told me to make sure we leave before the clock struck two, yes?”

 

The smaller skeleton nodded. That much was a little easier to recall, probably because it was before the alcohol had started flowing through him.

 

“about a few minutes ’til the time we were due to leave, i was treated to quite a show.”

 

“A…SHOW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, A SHOW?” Sans demanded grumpily. He didn’t have time to guess!

 

Papyrus scratched behind his skull, a muted orange blush painting his skull. He pointedly avoided his brother’s gaze. “ah, well…let’s just say, when your back’s against the wall, you—“

 

“WHAT. HAPPENED.” Sans spat out, not at all liking where this conversation was going. Back against the wall?

 

Back against…

 

_Wait._

 

Sans’s face practically shone deep plum. With wide, mortified eyes, he silently pulled the blanket over his head, rolling away from his brother and burying his face beneath the pillow.

 

Perhaps the internal screaming would stop when Papyrus left the room, Sans prayed.


	5. Shell of a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans comes out of his shell and makes a friend.
> 
> (Pun intended.)
> 
> [POV: UT!Sans.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooo sorry for the massive inactivity. Bouts of near-suicide, homelessness, and overworking/under-eating have definitely taken their toll on me, but I'm on the path to recovery so no worries!!
> 
> Going into 2018, I'm aiming to hit more writings for sure. More frequently, anyway. So be expecting things to be uploaded more than once every ten years. :^)
> 
> Scream at me or feed my ego: https://decaffeinatedleafwater.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for your patience, lovelies. <3

Sans took a sip of his coffee, keeping a watchful eye on his anxious counterpart. Clearly he was from a safer universe altogether, no sign of screaming anxiety anywhere on this guy. Must be nice not to have to keep eyes in the back of your head to keep your head on your shoulders.

 

“so…” Sans drawled, wishing the food would get here already. The other Sans kept staring at him, like he sprouted a second head or something. Talk about rude. Not that Sans could blame him, though. Not every day you ran into a carbon copy of yourself with a slightly different personality. “you a big coffee drinker, or did it hurt your feelings?” Wow, Sans. That was lame as hell and you know it. Fuck, he’ll never talk at this rate—

 

“it was bean a little mean earlier.” The other Sans cracked a grin. “gave me the cold shoulder.”

 

“no joe? brew don’t seem too upset about it.”

 

“are you sugar about it? it was always sweet to me.” They both chuckled and lapsed into a comfortable silence. Sans took a small drink from his coffee, contemplating dumping some more sugar into it…until he remembered that Papyrus would probably wring his neck. He winced at the memory of the last debacle they’d gotten into.

 

“uhh…you ok?” The stranger blinked, watching him closely from his position stuffed in the corner of the booth. Shit, he must have thought a little too much.

 

“y-yeah, just, ah. just remembered somethin’. it’s nothin’ important.” Sans fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably. He didn’t want to know how similar or different the Papyruses were from the different timelines. If anything, the other one was probably softer. Probably believed that anyone can be saved, or anyone can change from a heartless murderer to a friend with a heart of gold. He wanted to snort. What a joke.

 

“well, we got all night. you can tell me. bein’ a sans, everything important is unimportant.” This guy wasn’t making any sense. But given that they were one and the same, he could at least try to understand.

 

“boss doesn’t like it when i add too much sugar to things. said it’d rot my teeth out. i reminded him we’re all bone, and all he said was—“ Sans cleared his throat, trying to use the proper voice for mocking his uptight brother, “—YOU WILL BE ALL CAVITY IF YOU KEEP THIS NONSENSE UP! IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN YOUR ADDICTING TO GUZZLING THAT DISGUSTING CONDIMENT!” His arms waved around from the over-exaggerated gestures typically used in that argument.

 

“must be a thing with all Papses. he gives me guff for drinkin’ ketchup, but at least it ain’t somethin’ weird like syrup.”

 

“that’s what i keep tellin’ him!” Sans could already feel himself warming up to this other version of himself. “and he’s always—“ The sight of the waitress sidling up to the table stopped his train of thoughts. He could almost feel the pancakes on his tongue as they were set in front of him, steam wafting up tantalizingly and tickling his nasal cavity. “thanks sweetheart.” The skeleton shot the waitress a wink, not surprised when she giggled under her breath and hurried away with a flush to her cheeks.He enjoyed coming here on occasion, he remembered her schedule quite well Not that he didn’t like her, per say, but he liked the fresh pancakes she always made sure he got when he visited. Ain’t no girl worth losing fresh pancakes over, interested or not.

 

Without bothering to continue his story, he dug into the pancakes. He could almost groan at the buttery pastry gracing his tongue. Even without syrup, these things were heavenly no matter what day he came in. Sooner or later, the waitress would probably catch on that he wasn’t as interested in her as he was the food that she brought him. Eh, whatever.

 

A few bites in, lack of movement caught his attention. The other Sans was just scooting bits of pancake around the plate.

 

“alright, what’s your deal?” Sans sighed and set his fork down, raising a brow bone at the other skeleton.

 

“uhh, no idea what you’re talkin’ about—”

 

“cut the crap, i’m you and you’re me so we both know something’s up. ain’t no Sans out there that i know of that’d avoid food unless somethin’ was up.”

 

His eye lights shifted around. “i…i mean y-yeah…” If the fidgeting was any indication, he was probably hoping he wouldn’t be caught. “just. uh. look, can we not mention this to my bro if you ever meet him?”

 

Sans scoffed. “you know as well as i do that a Papyrus _always_ finds out. just last week, i had a pretty little thing in my room and—”

 

A muffled chime startled Sans, he squinted around for the source of the noise. The other Sans shifted nervously, staring at some spot under the table. Sans was about to make a comment, but then the light of a phone glowed up at his face. Of course. Cell phones existed. Speaking of, he should check if Pap bugged him at all. He clicked on the screen from inside his jacket pocket.

 

 **Boss:** ARE YOU COMING HOME ON TIME TONIGHT OR ARE YOU BRINGING ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE WENCHES?

 

 **Boss:** ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

 

 **Boss:** I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE OKAY.

 

_2 missed calls from_ **_Boss_ ** _!_

 

“ah, fuck…” Sans mumbled to himself. He debated between calling back or just shooting a quick text out. Both seemed equally tempting, but… “you mind if i step outside for a sec? gotta call boss back.”

 

“…boss?” The other skeleton squinted at him, tired confusion glimmering in his eye sockets. The longer Sans looked at him, the more he noticed the bags under his sockets. He kinda looked like a raccoon or something. “your job lets you call this late?” Sans wanted to facepalm.

 

“heh, no. that’s what i call pap—my pap, anyway. long story.” He shrugged, ambling to the entrance with his brother’s number on the screen.

 

**

 

Sans shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the minutes ticking by as the darker version of himself hadn’t returned yet. Maybe he got bored and just left? It wouldn’t surprise him. He _was_ being a stick in the sand, if he was being honest with himself. He sank further into his seat, the half-eaten pancakes good for nothing more than picking at now that they were stone cold. _Heh, more like_ bone _cold…_

 

He glanced at his phone again.

 

 **PAPYRUS:** I DIDN’T SEE YOU AT HOME RIGHT AWAY. WERE YOU OUT MAKING FRIENDS?

 

 **you:** yea bro i think i found one

 

 **PAPYRUS:** SEE? I TOLD YOU IF YOU JUST TRIED, YOU COULD! I BELIEVED IN YOU THIS WHOLE TIME! :)

 

 **you:** ur the coolest, bro

 

 **PAPYRUS:** I AM AWARE! HOWEVER, IT IS QUITE LATE. WILL YOU BE OUT ALL EVENING OR SHALL I COME FETCH YOU?

 

Leave it to Paps to contain his excitement. Knowing him, a maelstrom of excited giddiness would greet him the second his slipper set foot through the door.

 

 **you:** i think he left?…thin k u could com get me?

 

 **PAPYRUS:** STAY PUT! I WILL BE ON MY WAY SHORTLY. JUST SEND ME YOUR LOCATION FROM YOUR…BUTTON…THINGY.

 

Sans snorted quietly. Papyrus had picked up (heh) the phone rather quickly, but the terminology was lost on him. More often, than not, he’d send over screenshots and ask what the heck this button or that function was for. Meanwhile, Sans barely knew how to mute a phone call or send a video. Baby steps. He sent off the location and made sure the message sent before flipping to search around on the Undernet. Nothing really new besides monster-human hostilities and the occasional “leap forward” for making monsters officially recognized as people instead of common beasts. Humanity sure was full of itself.

 

Ten, twenty minutes had passed. The other Sans still wasn’t back. Sans sighed, mentally giving up. He pulled a marker out of his pocket, scribbling his number on a half-used napkin before sliding out of his seat as Papyrus pulled up to the storefront.

 

**

 

Papyrus had grilled him for the next hour, sitting him down on the couch and enthusiastically asking so many questions, they muddled together. He was pretty sure that he repeated the same questions at least 3 times in many different ways, but Sans didn’t mind too much. As he nodded his head to try staying awake, his brother had toned it down and scooped him up bridal style, insisting that he get some rest after the long day. Sans couldn’t be more excited for sleep at this point, his eyes already threatening to slide closed.

 

“YOU’LL HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR FRIEND SOMETIME SOON, SANS! SO WE CAN GET TOGETHER AND DO FUN THINGS LIKE PLAY BOARD GAMES OR WHATEVER FRIENDS DO!” Sans didn’t have the heart to tell him that he never got the other’s contact information.

 

It didn’t matter in the end. Sans was still half-expecting a reset. This odd timeline merge was getting to be concerning, he still wasn’t used to seeing or hearing about other skeletons save him and Papyrus. Since they were on the Surface, could the kid even reset? His skull throbbed just thinking about it. He didn’t want to think about it. Papyrus’s voice was a distant white noise, sleep slowly overtaking his body.

 

With Sans properly tucked in, Papyrus patted his brother’s shoulder. The phone on his nightstand blinked with a notification. Curiosity overtook him and he glanced at the screen.

 

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** hey uh sorry bout bien out so long boss talkd a lot. u make it home safe??

 

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** shit hope this is the rite #

 

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** had a good time 2nite. hope 2 stars this is rly u.

 

Papyrus plugged the phone in, set it to silent, and turned the phone over. Sans would find it in the morning.


	6. Rise and Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus has a heart to heart with his brother. Sans learns that they have a balcony.
> 
> [POV: FS!Sans.]

“perhaps you should look into a job, m’lord?” Papyrus drawled, tapping away at his phone at the edge of Sans’s bed.

 

Sans simply scoffed. “ONE AS GREAT AS I SHOULD NOT SETTLE FOR LESS. LESS BEING ANYTHING OTHER THAN BEING CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD, OF COURSE.” He sipped his tea in the darkness of his room, the sun not quite having peeked over the horizon. “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A JOB, PAPYRUS?”

 

Papyrus simply shrugged, setting his phone to the side. “i do.”

 

“AND YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING WHY?”

 

“didn’t seem important.” He fell oddly silent. Sans took the brief silence to ponder. He raised to his knees, making his way to his brother and placing his hands on the taller skeleton’s cheeks. Papyrus tilted his face up to look him in the eye.

 

“BROTHER.” Sans’s violet eye lights glimmered softly, the only thing visible in the room devoid of light. “NOTHING YOU DO IS SO UNIMPORTANT THAT I WOULD NOT HEAR OF IT. AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU ARE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME IN THIS STARSFORSAKEN WORLD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

 

Papyrus closed his eyes. “i understand.” He curled his arms around his brother’s waist, holding the smaller skeleton against him and relishing the rare close contact they were never granted in the Underground.

 

“DO YOU EVER THINK…OF HOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN, IF THE BARRIER HAD NOT BEEN BROKEN? IF THE HUMAN HAD NOT SPARED US?”

 

Papyrus tensed up around him, hands twitching almost unnoticeably. Sans shook his head, ready to take his question back. His brother stood from the bed, arms falling away from the other’s sides.

 

“PAPYRUS, WHAT—”

 

“…come with me.” His footsteps shuffled off and out of the room. Sans cocked an eyebrow and followed suit, sliding from his bed and poking his feet into the slippers next to his door as he walked. Papyrus led him through the house, out to the back of the building. He frowned to himself, Papyrus was acting rather odd. He wondered if his words had anything to do with the sudden change in demeanor.

 

His brother stopped at the end of the hallway, tugging a string tied to the ceiling. A neat square fell from above, softly clacking to the ground and revealing a set of stairs. Did Sans really not know this much about the home they had chosen to be their own for so long? He’d have to investigate later. Right now, though…

 

Papyrus led him up the stairs and into a sort of shoddy attic, the air thick with a musty basement smell. He opened his mouth to ask why the hell they were exploring their attic before a creak to the right pierced the silence, slivers of the dawn’s glow glimmering on the floor. Sans stepped through the door and blinked, eyes struggling to adjust in the sudden change from complete darkness. The sun hadn’t yet peeked over the horizon, pastel clouds lazily drifting through the sky. They reminded him of cotton candy…the thought of sweets made his stomach churn after the last ordeal. He shook his head and took in his surroundings.

 

They stood on a balcony, overseeing various trees and grassy fields. If he looked down, he was sure he could see the small garden Papyrus had insisted in trying to cultivate. It was just a small square patch of tilled dirt, but when a small green stem had poked through the ground…He didn’t recall a time where Papyrus had looked so pleased with himself. It was nice to breathe fresh air and eat food prepared around their home, rather than scavenged from the waste of an entire civilization that deserved to burn—

 

“sans.” His brother’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

 

“WHAT IS IT, PAPYRUS?” A calm breeze wafted through his bones. He brushed off the sensation of being mildly exposed just standing out there in his sleepwear, though exhaustion won over and it quickly slipped from his mind.

 

“do you ever feel like you’ve done something before? but you know you’ve never done it?” His voice was soft, thoughtful.

 

Sans nodded before realizing that nods can’t be heard. “YES, QUITE FREQUENTLY ACTUALLY. THOUGH IT STOPPED WHEN WE REACHED THE SURFACE.” Every time he did the most mundane of tasks, something would be niggling at the back of his mind that these were the motions he had to go through, this is how the other monster would react, this is what to say…it bothered him, to say the least.

 

“not even one moment?” Papyrus shifted uncomfortably from where he stood, hands stuffed in his pockets and his back to his brother.

 

“NO. PAPYRUS, IS THERE SOMETHING—”

 

“i’ve seen them, you know?” His words came out strained, like a whisper he wished he could have taken back after the words left his teeth. Sans stayed silent, urging him to continue. “i’ve seen them over and over and over, and they always surprised me. sometimes they helped us to the surface, sometimes they overthrew the throne for their own tyranny, sometimes…most of the time…” Papyrus swallowed hard, stepping toward the ledge of the balcony to take a seat. “…they would have your head removed from your neck faster than the time it took for you to greet them.”

 

Sans frowned, magic bubbling around within him uneasily. “I’M…NOT SURE I FOLLOW YOU.” Was he already drunk at this hour? Some days, it wouldn’t surprise him. He acted like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and his burden alone to bear. Come to think of it, Papyrus would start dodging him if he tried bringing up certain topics, like what time or day it was, was he happy on the Surface, how he was feeling.

 

“do you remember the human?”

 

The shorter skeleton put his hands on his hips and beamed at his brother’s back, sidling up to his side. “OF COURSE I DO! THEY HAD FANTASTIC TASTE IN FRIENDS AND FOOD! TWO THINGS THAT GO WELL TOGETHER!”

 

“do you remember where they went when we left the Underground?”

 

Something bothered him at the back of his mind. “IS, ERM…IS THAT IMPORTANT?” Why did they have to discuss this now? It was too early for this. Perhaps he could go back to bed and think on it later, or maybe Papyrus would forget it altogether after a good rest.

 

Papyrus hummed thoughtfully. “did you watch them leave to pursue other interests, or do you recall them staying with monsterkind?”

 

“WHO NOW?” Sans scratched the side of his head. Papyrus must be a little punch drunk, he wasn’t making much sense. Perhaps if he got a little rest— he frowned. This seemed familiar. It couldn’t be, he was sure of it. The Malevolent Sans’s memory was impeccable, even when exhausted! And he never got exhausted!

 

“sans… do you like the sun?”

 

“YES, VERY MUCH. THE SUNSHINE FEELS GREAT ON MY BONES AFTER YEARS OF BEING TRAPPED WITH NO LIGHT, YOU KNOW. REALLY GIVES THEM A HEALTHY GLOW!”

 

“you’ve seen it a few times, you know.”

 

“HAVE I? HAVE I REALLY??” Sans demanded, plopping down to sit. Maybe his memory was just a little bad? He _had_ been forgetting several things here and there, like where he’d put his wallet, or what time to wake Papyrus on his days off. Perhaps the wallet just moved because his brother was pranking him again, who knew?

 

“you feel like you’ve done things before because, well, you actually have.” Papyrus started off slowly, a few dribbles of sweat beading on his forehead. He always sweated when he got nervous. “you never remember it, but you always make some sort of remark that you felt you’d done the exact same thing before.”

 

“SO WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO TELL ME IS THAT SOMEHOW, I AM ABLE TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO UNDO MY MISTAKES?”

 

“not necessarily, but someone else could. let’s just say you benefited from it. remember when you were searching for a criminal on the run, and even though the queen told you to go to Hotland, you kept quiet and trusted your intuition that you should travel to Waterfall instead?”

 

“SHE WAS QUITE SHOCKED WHEN SHE FOUND THE TIP WAS A FALSE LEAD, ALTHOUGH IT WAS RATHER ODD THAT SUCH A GUT FEELING WAS CORRECT…” Sans paused for a moment and groaned under his breath when Papyrus snorted softly. Accidental puns were the worst.

 

“no body thought you got lucky off a feeling.”

 

“STOP.”

 

“the praise must have gone right through you though—”

 

“ENOUGH.”

 

“no bones about it.” Sans smacked his brother’s shoulder with a huff, allowing a few comfortable seconds to pass before he scooted closer to lean on his arm. The rising sun had cast rays of light out that painted the trees a gleaming pink. An arm wrapped around his torso and pulled him closer into a tight hug. Sans went limp, enjoying the close contact.

 

“time and time again, i lost you or you left me.” Papyrus closed his eyes, resting his chin on the smaller skeleton’s skull. “now that i finally get to keep you, i’ll do whatever it takes to keep it this way.” Sans had no idea what he was talking about, but if it made him feel better, he’d accept it. “i’d trade every ray of sunshine, every breath of fresh air, every fiber of magic in my soul to keep you up here and happy. you know that?”

 

Sans hummed in agreement, eyes sliding closed. Sleep was coming fast to take him again, dragging at his skull and body.

 

“i love you, Sans.” Papyrus murmured, his hold on the other’s body loosening.

 

“I LOVE YOU TOO, BROTHER.” Sans managed to mumble.

 

The sun continued to rise into the sky, and with it, also rose the elder skeleton’s hopes of accepting this new home of monsterkind.

 


	7. Testing the Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans takes charge and applies for a job.
> 
> Unfortunately for Papyrus, he also discovers caffeine.
> 
> [POV: US!Sans]

Sans halted his pacing in the middle of the living room and frowned at the newspaper in his hand so hard that Papyrus worried that it’d offended him.

 

“bro? it give you a funny look?” Papyrus chuckled and slouched back into the couch. The material was so soft, it seemed to just pull him in…

 

“YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT THERE ARE FEW JOB LISTINGS THAT MEET MY STANDARDS.” His gaze wouldn’t pull away from the article toward the bottom of the page.

 

“sure do.” Papyrus waited patiently for him to elaborate.

 

“WHAT IS…COFFEE?” Sans blinked up at his brother and squinted at him, trying to imagine what this mysterious human food was and why helpers were needed to make it. Didn’t they have helper monsters to do that sort of thing? Well, maybe not monsters, but smaller humans? Was that even a thing? Multitudes of questions ran through his mind. Humans and the Surface in general were very complex and mysterious to him after so long of not even having breathed fresh air.

 

“coffee is…” He thought for a moment, finger tapping on his chin. “there are these beans that humans sometimes eat. but they really like to grind ‘em up and put ‘em in water and those grounds flavor it.”

 

“ISN’T THAT TEA?”

 

“nah. tea is with leaves. it’s a little different, but same principle.” The taller skeleton tapped away at his phone, scrolling through different news articles to gauge how welcoming humans were to monsterkind. So far, so good. He wondered what Chara was up to nowadays.

 

“I MUST FIND THE SECRET TO THIS ‘COFFEE’ AND MASTER IT!” He proclaimed, tossing the newspaper to the side triumphantly. He’d be the coffee master. He’d make coffee so magnificent that nobody would be able to resist his beverages! If it were anything like cooking, he was sure he’d be a natural at it. “I HAVE TO GO APPLY FOR THE JOB, WHICH I’M CERTAIN THEY’LL HIRE ME FOR.” He put a hand on his hip, and the other over his chest with a flair. “ER…” He glanced down at the newspaper he’d discarded so carelessly, trying to make out the location.

 

Papyrus chuckled. “the fire spider cafe, bro.”

 

Sans merely cleared his throat. “YES, OF COURSE. I WAS SIMPLY TESTING YOU TO SEE IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION!”

 

“always do. you know me.” He was already beginning to doze, a grin on his face from his brother’s excitement.

 

“OFF I GO! DON’T CAUSE ANY TROUBLE!”

 

“can’t get into mischief if i’m sleepin’. gimme more credit, sans.” Papyrus slurred in a mumble.

 

Sans merely pulled the blanket over his sleeping brother’s form, trying to muffle his footsteps as he slipped out of the house.

 

 

*

 

 

“Just fill this form out, dearie.” The spider monster slid a piece of paper across the table to Sans, palm flat over the face-down page. Her hand didn’t leave the paper as she studied him intently with her multiple eyes. He tried his hardest not to look intimidated.

 

“ER…” Sans blinked and moved his own hand slowly to the paper. He wasn’t sure what to do, she still hadn’t lifted her hand away.

 

“Do I know you from somewhere? Not every day you see a skeleton, and you’ve got the face of someone I’ve met before, I’m sure of it.” Muffet used her other arm to prop up her head, a charming smile spreading across her face.

 

“I KNOW WE SKELETONS ARE QUITE RARE, BUT PERHAPS YOU MAY HAVE ME MIXED UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THE ONLY OTHER SKELETON MONSTER I KNOW OF IS MY BROTHER, PAPYRUS.” He dimly remembered some news briefing weeks ago…no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t come up with what the blasted news was actually about. Must not have been that important. He brushed the thought aside.

 

“Huhu…fair enough. I see a lot of people each day, so many familiar faces.~” The spider monster stood from the booth, the paper taken from the table. Sans was at a complete loss. What was he supposed to do? If he didn’t fill that form out, he couldn’t he apply for the job. And if he couldn’t apply for this job in particular, he’d have to sit outside the door and wait for Muffet to realize how dedicated he was to join her ranks!

 

(It worked for Alphys, so he assumed it might work for Muffet. It was worth a shot.)

 

He huffed and steeled himself, standing from the booth as she started to walk away. “M-MISS—?”

 

She stopped in her tracks. “Yes, dearie?”

 

“I, ER…I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU FOR THAT PAPER YOU HAVE IN YOUR HAND! FOR APPLICATION PURPOSES. PLEASE?” He shifted nervously. What if he was being too demanding? She wouldn’t like that too much.

 

“Ahuhuhu~” Her shoulders shook as she stifled a giggle with one of her hands. She turned slowly to face him, an amused glimmer in her eyes.

 

“DID I SAY SOMETHING FUNNY?” His brow bones furrowed, he wasn’t aware of any joke he may have made.

 

“No, not at all. However, you are the first person that’s passed this little test of mine.” Test? He frowned, quite sure that it was an application form. The spider monster turned over the page in her hand, the sheet clean and without a spot of ink on it. Was this a jape? “You see, when you work in a shop such as this,” she swept her arm to motion to the room around them, “you have to keep a close eye on things, lest you allow someone to walk out with, say, a book that does not belong to them.” Sans glanced around the area, slowly nodding in understanding. “You cannot simply confront a guest and cause a scene, you must be polite while remaining firm. First rule of etiquette in any workplace, really.”

 

She smiled warmly at him. “Would you like to start Monday, dearie?”

 

Excited stars erupted from his eye lights. “WOWZERS, I’D LOVE TO! IT’S ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY, I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME TO TRAIN FOR IT. I’LL HAVE TO DO SOME RESEARCH ON THE UNDERNET THIS WEEKEND AND—”

 

She placed her hand on his shoulder, giving him a pat. “We’ll do all the proper training, sweetie. Take this weekend to relax, and be here bright and early at 4AM sharp Monday. Don’t worry about dressing up too much, you’ll cover most of it with an apron anyway. Now…would you like to try a cup of my specialty brew?”

 

“WHAT’S THAT?”

 

“It’s a special kind of coffee bean we used, mixed with a secret ingredient and some espresso. Mind you, we can also add chocolate, whip cream—”

 

“WHAT IS THIS…EXPRESS?”

 

She rubbed his shoulder and sidled behind the counter, a large cup in one hand and another hand on a machine.

 

“Espresso, dearie…gives you a boost in the morning, wakes you up, gives you more energy, however you’d like you describe it. You can add as many shots as you want, but I’ll give you a few so you know what it does for you. Would you like sugar as well?”

 

*

 

Sans discovered a few new things that day. He rather liked Muffet, and was very excited for his first day of work. He also discovered that caffeine was his new best friend, supercharging him to scrub the house from top to bottom at lightning speed. But most importantly, as he practically skipped out the door with his cup in hand, that his doppelgänger in the corner of the cafe was absolutely terrible at hiding his presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scream at me on Tumblr at decaffeinatedleafwater.tumblr.com
> 
> I'm also accepting commissions, so if you're interested in that sort of thing, shoot me a message.
> 
> (It'll be worked on faster than these updates, which I plan on changing the upload schedule to....an actual schedule OTL )


End file.
